Frodo and Sam's Excellent Adventure
by Anonymous author of Beowulf
Summary: A strange fusion of the Lord of the Rings and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. When Frodo and Sam run into troubles with disposing of the One Ring, Gandalf the Grey comes to the rescue with a timetraversing phonebooth.
1. Episode I

Frodo and Sam's

EXCELLENT

Adventure

Episode I

Frodo and Sam had been friends since they were in kindergarten. One could never see Frodo in the Shire without expecting Sam to be right there beside him. Frodo and Sam had done everything together, but their biggest accomplishment came when they decided to start their own band.

Frodo and Sam were practicing one day in Frodo's shed, after being turned down to play at Frodo's uncle Bilbo's birthday party. Frodo held his guitar, slung way down low, and strummed the instrument, producing an ear shattering sound. Sam picked up their camera and filmed Frodo.

"I am Frodo Baggins," Frodo said, and hit the guitar again.

"And I'm-" Sam began, but then handed Frodo the camera so he could record, then saying, "and I'm Samwise Gambshee." Sam also hit an ear-shattering note on his guitar. Frodo put down the camera on a log, and the two hobbits stepped into the picture.

"And we're _Wild Dragons_!" they said in unison, going absolutely ballistic on their guitars. As Sam hit an extremely high note, their amplifying equipment sparked and fizzled. Frodo hit a note similar to Sam's, and the amplifiers exploded; smoke filled the room. Frodo and Sam started to cough and gag. Frodo quickly opened the front door to the shed, and the two hobbits quickly stepped out. Smoke poured out of the shed with the hobbits.

"Oh, man, I told you we should've turned down the bass," Sam said, waving his hand in front of his face, clearing the smoke.

"Yeah," Frodo agreed. When the smoke had cleared, the hobbits made their way back into the shed.

"While I agree that in time our band will be most triumphant, _Wild Dragons_ will not be a super band until we have Faramir of Gondor on guitar."

"Yes Sam, but I do not believe we will get Faramir of Gondor until we have a triumphant video," Frodo replied.

"Frodo, how can we have a triumphant video if we don't even have decent instruments?" Sam asked.

"Well, how can we have decent instruments of we don't really know how to play?" Frodo gleefully answered

"Which is why we need Faramir of Gondor!" Sam stressed.

"And that is why we need a triumphant video." Frodo also stressed.

After but a moment, in unison, the two hobbits exclaimed, "Excellent!" and played their air guitars, as they had reached somewhat of a common ground.

Sam thought for a moment on what Frodo had said, but his profound thoughts were disrupted by a clock his eyes had drifted onto. "Oh, man, Frodo, we're late for Bilbo's party!" Sam exclaimed, grabbing his coat.

"Oh yeah," Frodo said, also grabbing his coat. The two hobbits jogged their way to Bilbo's party, arriving a tad late. Bilbo was already up on stage giving his speech, and was nearing the end, which meant that they were only at the very least thee hours late.

"I regret to inform you that this is the end. I am going now," Bilbo's eyes made contact with Frodo's, "Goodbye." Bilbo said, and disappeared. The party erupted into confusion.

An hour later, Sam and Frodo returned to Frodo's home after the party. On Frodo's door step, Frodo found a small envelope. The hobbit shrugged when he found the envelope, picked it up, and casually walked inside.

In Frodo's home, Frodo and Sam found a hooded elf sitting in the corner waiting for them. The elf removed his hood, and said, "My name is Elrond of Rivindell, master half-lings. Do you know why I am here?"

"A performer for Uncle Bilbo's party?" Frodo joked. Sam laughed.

"This is no laughing matter, Master Baggins. For I am here because of the envelope that you hold in your hands now." Elrond replied.

"This?" Frodo asked, and Elrond nodded. Frodo opened the envelope and slid the ring inside into his palm. "This little thing, you're here because of this?"

"Indeed, Master Frodo." Elrond stated.

"Why would you want Bilbo's ring?" Sam asked.

"DON'T TEMPT ME, FRODO! I do not want this ring! It is a greater, evil power who wants it!" Elrond roared; Sam and Frodo looked at each other, a bit confused. "This ring was forged by the dark Lord Sauron, and the absence of this ring is the only thing preventing him from overtaking the whole of Middle-Earth!"

"Oh…" Frodo and Sam said.

"Yes. The reason I am here is because I need you to destroy this ring."

"How are we supposed to do that?" Frodo asked.

"I am here to give you a lesson in how to destroy the ring. Take a seat, and listen closely." Sam and Frodo sat down, and listened to the elf.

Some time later, Sam and Frodo had lost interest in what Elrond was saying. Elrond began asking them questions randomly.

Sam thought. Finally after several minutes of thinking, he said, "He's dead?"

Frodo laughed.

"So what you're trying to tell me, Sam, is that Gimli is a short," he paused, "Dead, dude."

"Well, yeah," Sam said.

"You totally blew it, Dude!" Frodo whispered to Sam.

Frustrated, Elrond suddenly called, "Mister Frodo!"

"Yes, Sir?" Frodo replied.

"Stand up." Elrond said.

"Stand up?" Frodo asked.

"Yes, stand up." Frodo stood, and Elrond asked, "Who is Saruman?"

"Uh," he thought, "Sauron's cousin?" Frodo replied, not knowing what really was going on.

Elrond closed up his books and sighed. "Look, I don't really think I can help you guys any more. All I can really say is this; the fate of Middle Earth rests in your hands, and you guys don't know anything."

"Mister Elrond, before you say anything else, my distinguished colleague Frodo and I would like to thank you for all of the history that you have taught us. We've learned that without great leaders like, Sauron," Sam paused, "Isildor," again he paused, "And Elven magic, Middle Earth would be a pretty dull place."

Elrond paused, looked at the notes he had taken, and said, "It seems to me, that the only thing you two know about Middle Earth, is that it's between something and something else." Frodo and Sam looked at each other, and nodded in agreement. "Look guys, I can't give you any more help. If you don't get your acts together, then it's gonna be the end of the world." Frodo and Sam didn't look too pleased. "I'll tell you what though, if you have it all put together by tomorrow and meet me in Rivindell, then you guys may have a shot."

"Thanks, mister Elrond," Frodo said.

"Yeah, thanks, mister Elrond, we won't let you down," Sam agreed.

With that, Elrond left.

"Man, Frodo, we're really gonna need to get our stuff together, or else." Sam said, picking up one of the books Elrond had left.

_End Episode I_


	2. Episode II

Frodo and Sam's

EXCELLENT

Adventure

Episode II

Frodo and Sam began their studying; Sam would ask Frodo a question, Frodo would answer, and then Frodo would ask Sam a question, and Sam would answer.

"Ok, what do we know about Isildor?" Sam asked, looking to a book.

Frodo jumped up and down on a bed, and said, "Had a burning eye, tried to take over the world."

"That's Sauron, dude!"

"Oh, yeah, you remember Isildor in Gondor, at the Hall of Kings?" Frodo asked.

"Yeah, what did he say?" Sam asked.

Frodo put his hand on his chest and quoted, "'Welcome to the Hall of Kings.'"

Sam shook his head, and said, "Man we need to know more about him aside from him being dead."

"Did you ever make a mushroom out of his head, and-" Frodo said, but Sam cut him off.

"Frodo, Mordor." Sam reminded.

"Oh, yeah."

Frodo and Sam studied well into the night, exploring all of the Shire in search of people who could help them. They came to rest at the _Inn of the Green Dragon_, where they sat outside and asked random people questions.

A hobbit approached the inn, and Frodo looked up from a book, and asked, "Excuse me, but do you know when the orcs invaded Rohan?"

The hobbit looked at Frodo, shook her head, and said, "I don't know, I just work here." With that, she went inside. Frodo looked at Sam, and he shrugged.

Frodo shrugged and said, "Well, did you want to try farmer Maggot's vegetable field?"

It was then that the sky was filled with dark clouds. Bolts of lightning filled the sky, and thunder clapped. Frodo and Sam watched in amazement as a box dropped out of the sky, surrounded by lightning bolts. They could see that there was a man in this strange rectangular box; a man dressed in long white robes, bearing a long grey beard carrying a long staff, and wearing sunglasses.

The man in the robes stepped out and took off his sunglasses. "Gentlemen, my name is Gandalf the Grey."

"Do you know when the orcs invaded Rohan?" Frodo asked, figuring "why not?"

"I don't know, why don't we ask them?" The man replied.

"Are you here to help us get ready to destroy this ring?" Frodo asked.

"No, I'm not, but this machine will help you," Gandalf replied.

It was then that another booth dropped out of the sky and landed next to the one Gandalf had stepped out of. Inside the booth, Frodo and Sam saw two other hobbits that looked exactly like them.

Frodo leaned close to Sam, and said, "Sam, strange things are afoot at the _Green Dragon_."

The Frodo and Sam copies stepped out of the booth and made their way over to Frodo and Sam. "Dudes!" the Sam clone exclaimed, "you guys are gonna go back in time!"

"Yeah, you guys are gonna have the most excellent adventure in history!"

"Who are you guys?" Sam asked the clones.

"We're you!" the Frodo clone said.

"No way…" Frodo said.

"Yes way!" the Frodo clone replied.

"You see, when we were you, we usses didn't believe what we were telling you right now!" the Sam clone said.

"Wait," Sam suddenly had an idea; he was going to ask the clones of them something that only Frodo and Sam know; "If you're really us," Sam smiled, "Then what number are we thinking of?"

The Frodo and Sam clones looked at each other, smiled and said, "Elevendy-one, Dudes!"

Frodo and Sam stared in amazement, saying in unison, "Whoa…"

"Well, good luck, we've gotta go," the Frodo clone said, and the Frodo and Sam clones made their way back to their booth. As they were backing up, the Frodo clone saw Gandalf, and exclaimed, "Gandalf!" the Frodo and Sam clones ran the Gandalf and gave him a hug.

Sam broke from him and said, "Listen to this guy Gandalf, he knows what he's talking about!"

"Oh, and Frodo," the other Frodo said, "Don't forget to say 'hi' to the elvish princesses for me."

"Who?" Frodo asked.

"You'll see," the other replied.

"Gentlemen everything going alright?" Gandalf said, putting his hands on the clones' shoulders, leading them to their booth. Gandalf had a few words with the hobbits, and after a time, clone Frodo called to Frodo, "Oh, Frodo, don't forget to wind your watch!" Frodo looked down at his watch, making sure it was wound.

"Thanks, Gandalf," the clones said in unison to Gandalf, stepping into their booth. They stuck their heads out, and said, "Catcha later, Frodo and Sam!" and then their booth disappeared into the ground.

Gandalf returned to his booth. Frodo looked at Sam, and whispered, "Dude, should we be doing this?"

"Frodo, we have both witnessed many things, but nothing as bodacious as what just happened. Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy."

"What is we were lying?" Frodo replied.

"Why would we lie to ourselves?" Frodo thought on what Sam had said, and then nodded. The two hobbits joined Gandalf by his booth, where he was punching keys on the key pad with the phone to his ear.

"How are you gonna help us?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, are you gonna call someone to get the answers?" Frodo added.

"Gentlemen, we are going to do a lot more than that," Gandalf replied. The booth made a charging sound, and Frodo and Sam said in awe, "Whoa!" The hobbits stepped into the booth, and closed the door behind them.

"Gentlemen," Gandalf said, hanging up the phone, "We're history." With that, a hole tore open in the ground, and the box was pulled into it.

_End Episode II_


End file.
